I have a high stress job. It’s entirely possible that I think it’s high stress because I feel like I can’t handle things like I used to PFD (Pre-Fibromyalgia Diagnosis). I’ve told my husband time and again that I already gave the best years of my career and now I’d really like to drive a school bus. That’s my go-to dream job that has simple purpose and less stress.
I duck under corporate ladders. Done climbing. Give me the giant steering wheel any day.
Today, in particular, it was very difficult to focus and get on top of things. “Fibro Fog,” they say. Chalk up reason number 54 why I no longer compare to PFD me.
My work To Do list is a mile long, I need to present a webinar tomorrow and I need to travel at the end of the week for an all-day meeting I have not prepped enough for with a client that is high-maintenance. When I return home late on Friday night, I’ll need the weekend to recover physically. And then on Monday I need to travel again. Anticipating all of this today nearly threw me over the edge.
It’s a three Bitch Mint kind of day.
The type of day where I have my three servings of my pain killers, so I can forget about how much my body hurts, largely because of the stress I’m under. I lose my ability to be patient with people. This is especially challenging when it’s a problematic client, and I can’t find my finesse or words to address the verbal crap that was flung at me with grace and diffuse a situation like PFD me used to.
This is really pissing me off.
What time did I take my last pill?
This is not my usual weekend. I don’t lead a super exciting life. That’s by design. What’s exciting to some, i.e.: going out dancing or meeting up with a group for drinks or taking long walks on the beach, ends up being exhausting for me. Stupid Fibro. I am a homebody, by nature, so I guess it’s okay.
Instead, my weekend had been filled with work-stress. Why? Not because I drag it with me into my home life like a boulder I can’t put down. It’s because I actually had to spend several hours today trying to patch up a series of mess-ups at work that caused me to miss my deadline with supplying a key report for their Executive Leadership presentation. No pressure there. Only enough to split a diamond. We’ve, meaning I’ve, pulled out all the stops to try to get this done for them and another mess-up which was technical internally has prevented me from delivering what I newly promised. Again.
I even tried to cobble together some reports that I hope will suffice as interim information, only to share it with my leader and wait for her response. And wait. And wait. It’s been three hours now. See, I can’t send anything without it being okayed because this has become such a fluster cluck. And it seems the support on this whole thing is conditional. Well, I’m the one that has to deal with the client. I’m the one that will have to get the verbal wrath.
I’m not up for being a punching bag at this point in my life. No thanks.
If you could feel my neck and trap muscles right now, you would feel rocks. This whole work situation with this client has encroached completely on my family time and has tightened me up into knots. This has put a whole new light on this job. I’ve seen some true colors, as a result.
For the first time in my life, my attitude has fallen down the mountain a bit. Oh well, they can fire me if they don’t like it.
I can be rock solid with that.
The first day back to work after holiday break was a day filled with pulling numbers and manipulating spreadsheets. All day. My brain is frazzled.
Tomorrow is due to be a back-to-back meeting day. On the heels of today and in anticipation of tomorrow, I’m having a major flare up.
Stress=flare up=body in knots=headache=exhaustion.
2017 is starting off really suckie.
This is not how I envisioned my first day of 2017. I woke up feeling very achy. Mind you, I did not have one drop of alcohol yesterday for NYE, so it’s not that. It’s my ghost affliction. I did what I usually do when I wake up that way. Took my “Mac Daddy” pain pill and got moving.
I even took a 2 mile walk this morning. My Fit Bit gave me lots of praise, especially since my goal is 5,000 steps in a day. Setting the bar nice and low there.
It pretty much went downhill from there. My energy level my physical level and my mental positivity. Down. The. Drain.
This is not how I want my New Year to start, and I’ll be damned if I let it further define this year. I thought Fibromyalgia was not progressive?? But then again, doctors are stumped by this chronic condition, so what do they really know. Not much.
I fought my every urge to crawl into bed and throw the covers over my head for the day.
I cringe a the very thought of losing a day in that way. But that is what I have read from many sufferers – they sleep all day and end up awake all night. Is it possible I could be slipping into that realm or can I fight it enough to stay on my “normal” schedule and continue to have a somewhat okay routine like I’ve had the past year?
I will continue to fight for that, but I’m tired. Really tired.
I decided to have a glass of wine before dinner, which probably wasn’t the most brilliant idea. It tasted good, but it just makes me more tired. I continue to fight the sleepy gnomes. Those are the invisible beings that sit on my eyelids and beckon my eyes to shut and go to slumberland. They sing to me, soft lullaby’s that sound so comfy and warm and it’s a place I want to go.
But not at 6pm at night.
Lord, help me find the strength to fight this ghost affliction just for today.
I witnessed it at my job today. And I’ve seen it on a number of other occasions. I just couldn’t put my finger on it. I and my team have been feeling like all of our hard work to bring business in the door has been met by negativity and brick walls by a couple key people that have killed the deals.
Today was one of those days and one of those key persons whose boss was not there and her boss’ boss was not there decided to Continue reading
Today was actually better. But when I reflect on the day I had and why it was better than my energy sucking previous days… it’s because I wasn’t driving around making sales calls. I had a “loaned” helper today that was able to do the task. I never know when I’m going to get my helper, which makes for near-impossible Continue reading
I really tried to find positives in my job today, although that’s not accurate to say… “my job”… because I’m not doing my job. I’m doing someone else’s job. And it’s one of the things that repulses me. Continue reading