Epic Fail = Clarity

Well, it took me only a week to ditch my New Years Resolution to write for 29 days straight. A week. What a fail. And the thing is, I didn’t realize it right away. So, the second weekend in January, our family went on a long weekend trip to San Antonio for my son’s football combine weekend. When we left the house at the crack of dawn on a Thursday morning, the adventure started, my routine blew up and writing was the furthest thing on my mind.

I only realized the loss of time when we returned home late afternoon on Sunday after last minute grocery shopping and a quick dinner, when I laid my head down to sleep back in the comfort of my bed. Oops. What surprised me the most was how it was not even a thought in my mind that whole trip. Hopefully that simply meant I was fully present in the moments of my trip. It was a great trip. Except for the first day when I needed to monitor and be responsive on some of my work email.

Anyway, the point is that my 29 day experiment dropped like a rock, regardless that I could have written via my mobile phone. What an epic fail.

I stewed about it for a number of days and then realized another part of the reason for the failure. During my time off through the holidays, my regular routine was blown-up. I had time to do extra things that I wanted to do. I started working out, eating more consciously and taking time for myself.

Naturally, when break was over, my regular routine ensued, which pretty much includes stress-filled work days, scrambling to make a half-way decent dinner, deciding to shower the next day instead, followed by body and mind exhaustion. Fibromyalgia is like that. It gets the best of the energy I used to have. My ghost affliction.

So, I came to the conclusion that I likely would’ve failed even without the weekend trip thrown in the mix. That was the critical moment during my commitment that I needed to dig deep, grit my teeth and carve out time to write. I did for the first few days, but then it felt pressured.

I don’t write well under pressure. I have to feel like doing it. Suddenly, I felt like I was under the gun. An excuse? Maybe. But that’s how I felt.

With all this reflection and reading several articles by Becoming Minimalist, I am getting back up, brushing myself off and will allow myself to be a beginner. No one starts off being excellent. Great point. I get a do-over. Why not? I am not one to give up. When the rocks fall over, stack them back up.

Thankfully, this thought process resonated with my efforts to write. I enjoy writing – it’s my go-to place to release my cluttered thoughts and become centered. Practicing minimalism is more than letting go of stuff in one’s home. It’s also about gaining clarity in your mind. It may have taken a few weeks to untie the knots in my head about failing epically with my resolution, but now I am clear.

I have also found my focus on what I want to write about. I am starting over my 29 day experiment. I am on a quest to find ways to live more simply and find the balance I need to feel better physically. Maybe, just maybe, it could help others. I can only hope. My journey will be documented here.

 

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We Have a Pulse!

Well, I jumped into the fire this week and started my new job that has already changed my working lifestyle.  I am super excited. I am also petrified.

It’s that same feeling you get when you step up to the front of the line after a long wait of serpentining through the longest line on the planet to finally reach your turn to ride that one epic roller coaster… the one you choose to step into and pull the safety bar down over your shoulders and pray it does it’s job during the pending thrill ride of the century. The same roller coaster that when it starts its initial ascent, which you know will immediately dovetail into the biggest drop right out of the gate… the one that in the middle of its ascent, it suddenly shoots you to the top of the drop when you least expect it.  And it’s all you can do to hold onto your soul.

I love roller coasters, but I also love getting off of them. This morning my feet are feeling more grounded again as I travel back home and will spend the next few business days in my home office. Deep, balancing breath.

My new role will have me juggling travel and home office time, and at the onset it will be dominated with client visits around the country, tackling a catch-up learning curve, while I am simultaneously shocking my marketing brain back to life.  The same brain that was wilting and dying in my previous fluster cluck.

I’ll be riding the coaster quite a bit at the onset, and hope the terrifying part will subside once I have tackled the learning curve. I am re-learning as I try to portray the expert at the very same time. This is where I hope my pokerface prevails.

I tend to put a lot of pressure on myself, but I also know there are a lot of expectations for my success in this position. Thankfully, after I am haunted with pressure-filled thoughts about my utter and complete failure that wakes me up in the wee hours of the night, I do arrive at the realization that I am only human and I am learning.

The new company I work for is fantastic with their support of work-life balance. I am surrounded by incredibly smart and innovative people, even though at a distance. I cannot wait to learn from them all. And I hope I can offer something enlightening to them, as well.

I am excited to expand my horizons, but know I will be dealing with different client personalities and expectations. My saving grace is my team. I just hope my expectations are met, as well.

So far, I have learned that I travel pretty well by myself. I like the alone time. It makes me appreciate my family even more. I will be relishing my time sitting at our kitchen table looking a forest views with deer wandering and raccoons eating seeds and us enjoying the simple things in life.

I have a few days until I’m getting on the roller coaster again – I’m thinking I’ll be looking forward to it again more than I know. After all, life feels more lived during those exciting yet petrifying times.

I think my neurons have a pulse!